Humor: Playground installs another “toy” for kids to hurt themselves on

CAITLYN SAMPLEY / AGGIE

“It worked for the French revolutionaries, not sure why it won’t work here”

Most people look at the city council’s recent decision with disgust. And I ask you: why? Is it because of your preconceived notions about what counts as childhood “play?” If we are to train our next generation of soldier-good-boys properly, we must introduce them to weapons: from toy guns to life-sized functioning toy guillotines.

If our children are to be prepared for the leftist Red Menace that will undoubtedly take over our country (I see them crawling out of their communist foxholes in the Bay), then we must introduce them to the tools of revolution to prepare them to fight. The guillotine has been used most famously by the insurrectionaries of France, and I’m sure the leftists just love France.

So erect that guillotine. Perhaps even allow the children to fight one another, to learn about what it means to be in combat and win a civil war or revolution. Give them the toy guns and John Wayne movies, and teach them about our fundamental values: kill or be killed, marriage is between Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve, and of course, always praise Our Great Leader the President under all circumstances. Also, if you’ve never joined the military then you have a micropenis.

So don’t talk to me about “dangerous” playground toys. The greatest danger our children face is the growing leftist mob that is gestating right underneath our feet.

If a few kids die, then so what? We have to do what we gotta do to protect the homeland and our families. BUILD THE GUILLOTINE.

 

Written by: Aaron Levins  — adlevins@ucdavis.edu

 

 

 

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