Kind-hearted Petco manager attacked over murder allegation

Marcus Payne was subjected to the continued witch hunt surrounding the several murder allegations lobbied against him by far-left, attention-seeking dead people this Saturday as his trial began. Rumors started circulating when several industrial barrels full of human organs happened to be found in Payne’s basement last December. Also found in the basement: a collection of surgical equipment, a case of vintage knives and a collage of human eyes. It is yet to be confirmed whether any of these items belonged to Payne or were left by a previous home owner.

Some leading experts, who we won’t name here, have suggested that this is part of the larger wave of hypersensitivity regarding allegations of murder. These experts also blame the liberal media for continuing this witch hunt against mild-mannered men who just want to live their lives.

“I played with surgical equipment with friends; almost everyone did. Sometimes, I collected too many surgical tools, sometimes others did. I liked surgical equipment; I still like surgical equipment, but I did not use surgical equipment to cut anyone open in an attempt to fill a dark hole inside my soul. Do you like surgical equipment?” said Payne when questioned about the tools discovered in his basement.

Since being accused of these horrible crimes, Payne’s reputation as a God-fearing American has been tarnished repeatedly. He has been put on paid suspension from his management position at Petco until further notice. He has also been harassed on the internet. Regardless of who chopped up who, no person should be subject to bullying online.

Many questions still plague the prosecution’s case. Why did these alleged victims stuffed into barrels wait so long to come forward? Who even are these people, and what do they stand to gain for attacking an upstanding member of society such as Payne? How could Payne have killed them if he says that he didn’t even know they were down there? All of these are great questions that the prosecution has yet to come up with answers for.

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