Editor’s Note: this is satire.
President Peter Salovey <firstname.lastname@example.org>
To the Yale Community,
When I ponder what creates our community here, as I often do, gazing wistfully down Hillhouse Avenue, I think of you: members of our vibrant home of visionaries, thinkers, artists, researchers, lovers. Yale is a place of love and safety and mutual care, and we all recognize the key role our financial investments play in supporting our endeavors here. The endowment is the pot from which you flourish, my flowers.
Recent reporting in campus publications on the nature of our investments holds no water against the strength of what we’ve built. As our president, as a father, and as a husband (of a Puerto Rican, mind you), I see clearly the divisiveness caused by the revelation of Yale’s investments in labor camps for puppies.
But divisiveness has no place in a community of love. The mass imprisonment and hyper-exploitation of puppies presents us with an opportunity for robust campus dialogue here at Yale. Our commitment to find better ways to invest our endowment, to uphold our high ethical values, is unwavering, and we have made progress towards that end. Just last month, we announced that we would donate to a charitable cause one cent out of every dollar we make off the genocide of the Rohingya. Don’t let the activists tell you we don’t care.
Above all, my beloveds, this is our home. This is where you learn, where you love, where you’re inducted into the global ruling class. Together, we can ensure Yale remains that way.
Chris Argyris Professor of Psychology
Note from Journals.Today : This content has been auto-generated from a syndicated feed.